So as I type this, there are like 3 hurricanes in a row headed for America. The Westover Baptist Church people might have us believe it’s because God hates fags, or some such. But the Church of BODB believes it’s because God hates Republicans.

Three hurricanes. Three chances to bungle an evacuation and recovery plan. And then subsequently, three chances to have mildly distasteful photo ops of ‘Candidates Who Care™.’

Number one: Hannah

She’s a cute little one. Her bark will be worse than her bite. BUT DON’T BE FOOLED. There’s still a chance our subways will flood here in good old NYC.

Number two: Ike

Was Eisenhower a Republican or a Democrat? I don’t remember. I don’t think the Gulf Coast States will be voting for Ike this time around.

Number three: Josephine

Don’t laugh. This could be serious.

A bit of tv news today - Jennifer Aniston will be guest-starring on this season of one of my favorite shows ever, 30 Rock.

Dude…I hate Jennifer Aniston.  And to be honest, I can’t quite explain the levels of hate that I feel everytime I see her annoying, square-jawed face.  It could be that Friends was one of the stupidest, most overrated sitcoms of all time.  It could be that she keeps getting movie roles even though she’s no good in them.  It could be that she consistently appears on “hottest women” lists even though at best she’s a girl next door.  

But I think what it boils down to is that she WON’T GO AWAY.

I mean, seriously.  This is a woman who peaked in the mid-90s, when Friends was (arguably) still funny(ish).  Does anyone remember The Good Girl?  No?  Well, it came out in 2002, co-starred John C. Reilly and Jake Gyllenhaal, and wasn’t that good; and yet it was probably the high point of her movie career.  

Of course, all anybody could talk about was the fact that (GASP!!!) Jennifer showed up on the set most days with her hair unwashed, to be more like her discount store cashier character.  (Because as we all know, poor people don’t have the means, nay, the desire to wash their hair.)  And everything else she’s appeared in has been equally unmemorable - Bruce Almighty, Rumor Has It, The Break Up.  (I’ll acknowledge that Bruce Almighty was successful enough to warrant a sequel, but it still wasn’t good, and it was really a Jim Carrey movie.)

In short: Why on earth do we still pay attention to this woman!?

Well, it’s because she shoves herself into the press any chance she gets.  There have been approximately 3 million magazines featuring “Jennifer’s side” of the Jen-Brad-Angie love triangle, even though years have gone by and he’s clearly moved on.  There are still endless stories about how event planners will freak if there’s a chance of Jennifer and Brad coming within a 500-foot radius of one another.  Grow up.  Get over it.  You’re an adult, act like one.

And while it does suck that he cheated on her, who could blame him?  Angelina Jolie is way hotter and more talented than Jennifer Aniston, and now he gets to travel the world with a multicultural brood of babies and sprinkle money over the continent of Africa as if it were fairydust.  Brad Pitt is now good for the world, not only because of his hotness but because of his generosity.

When Jennifer Aniston isn’t bitching about her divorce, she’s playing up her relationship of the week.  The latest one was John Mayer, and now that that’s over, all the headlines about this 30 Rock thing are about how it’s her “revenge” and she’s “rubbing it in his face.”  Um, what?  Look, nobody gives a shit about John Mayer except for John Mayer.  Stop parading your phony-ass relationships around in front of the cameras, and maybe they’ll actually work out for once.  It’s a novel idea for an attention whore, I know, but it’s worth a try.

Basically, Jennifer, stay the hell away from 30 Rock.  You are not funny.  Even Tina Fey doesn’t have the magical powers required to make you funny, as proven by David Schwimmer’s un-funny appearance last season.  What you need to do is find a nice cameraman to shack up with and then disappear.  Just like Julia Roberts, a woman who, despite also being annoying, has far more talent and success than you could ever dream of.

Ok all of you. We’ve got a bit of catching up to do here at BODB headquarters. Though we’ve managed to hit an all new traffic high yesterday, we can’t even celebrate because there are vast wastelands of fail in our American saturation map. We must ask ourselves why there are still unreached corners of our great country that have not yet registered their hopes and fears, approvals and disapprovals into binary categories of buy or don’t buy. Do you not get internet in Wyoming? When an episode of Gossip Girls airs, do you not wish to comment, Dakotas? Alaska, did not our coverage of the Sara Palin controversy satiate your desire for apt internet punditry and crude stereotypical jokes at your expense? When the Olympics airs in Idaho, do you not raise your fists to the heavens shouting why? Have you no Best Buy Holograms in the great state of Maine?

I’ve taken a moment to extend a hand to these great bleak commonwealths of no page views. I know we don’t spend enough time discussing the pros and cons of John Deere vs. New Holland tractors. Or which engine block warmers outperform the competition (North Dakota, I’m looking in your direction.) Maine, I have a few good lobster bisque recipes! I’d love to share them with you. Can’t a blogger dream? I have a hope that one day BODB will be greeted with open arms by all 50 states. (Fuck off Puerto Rico/Guam) A hope that we don’t have to toil under the classifications of BODB states and non-BODB states. That we can one day be a UNITED BODB states. It’s our national destiny. I mean, people are reading this blog in fucking Iran already. Get with the program, New Hampshire.

Watch first, then discuss:

Okay, so just 4, 8, maybe even 12 years ago Diddy, aka P. Diddy (maybe he was even called “Puffy”) got young voters to think about heading to the polls with the “Vote Or Die” campaign. Those strong words were plastered all over MTV and on celebrities of caliber. He made 18-25 year olds think they had the chance to help shape this great country. It didn’t really turn out so well, but he was out there. He was P. Diddy, being cool and sharing awareness. But something has changed.

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Before tonight, I didn’t know anything about ‘Gossip Girl’, except for the fact that it had something to do with a young woman who enjoys idle tattling. I had also heard that it is a mind-blowingly inappropriate and nasty piece of work that makes its viewers sit up and exclaim “OMFG“.  As my intellectual curiousity knows no bounds, I set out to find out more about this popular culture phenomenon by watching the premiere with a bunch of people who were sitting around eating ice cream. Unfortunately, these people enjoyed their ice cream so much that they could not stop talking (very loudly) about it, drowning out all of the important expository dialogue. Consequently, I have had to change the title of my review from what I originially planned. It is now:

A Review of ‘Gossip Girl’ by Someone Who Watched It With No Sound

‘Gossip Girl’ is a show on the CW that is very popular. It stars many attractive people who sit and talk about things with each other. Occasionally these people also walk while talking about things with each other.

This man is the star of ‘Gossip Girl’. His main purpose is to wear ridiculous clothes. When he wears these clothes he looks very anguished, because everyone knows there is no point to wearing fancy clothes if you’re going to ruin the whole effect by smiling. (As well as being good at not-smiling, this actor is actually British. I know this because he was in “Son of Rambow”. Unfortunately I could not find out if he had a good American accent.)

In fact, the more fanciful the outfit the more you need to pout. It also helps if you have someone to stare longingly at.

The fancy-man has a best friend, who looks like if Zac Efron had an older brother who was also an elf. The best friend apparently has an active love life, which brought me to my first point of confusion.

Many of the attractive people on ‘Gossip Girl’ are blondes. This is because, as everyone knows, blondes are the most attractive type of person. However, as I was unable to make out any dialogue that would help me discren the various characters’ nuanced personality traits, I had a hard time keeping track of the numerous blonde women Zac Elfron was involved with. At one point mid-hookup, one of blondes mentioned ‘husband’ (I lip-read) and he had to escape out the window in his underwear before his couger’s mate arrived home. This struck me as exceedingly timely and realistic. Then, still in his underwear, he was almost struck by a car being driven by another one of the blondes. I was not sure which one girl it was. It may have been the one he later kissed in front of the married one, or it could have been the random one that the director kept cutting to during the party scene.

However, the fancy-man was not interested in any of the blondes. He was more interested in staring longingly at this girl on the left. You can tell she’s special because she has brown hair. The brunette didn’t seem very interested in the fancy-man. She spent all her time talking about things with the man on the right. At first I thought he was supposed to be her father, but at the end of the episode she kissed him in a way that made me think he wasn’t her father.

There was also a party that looked like everyone was supposed to wear white, although many of the characters were actually wearing cream, or eggshell.

These two people were also at the party, although they didn’t seem to have anything to do with any of the other characters. The interesting thing about them is that that the man is short.

Also, there was this man. He is a sensitive character because he has a notebook and writes in it in front of a fire. At one point in the party two girls came up to him, said something, and then dumped wine on his (tan) suit jacket. I couldn’t figure out the reason, but I’m sure if I had, I would have exclaimed “OMFG”.

So the 90’s are SO back. Oops, or wait, am I way too late? I can’t be, because after we did the 70’s and 80’s, there’s nowhere else to turn for two more years.

Wouldn’t it be more fun to bring back one anachronistic consumer good at a time? Like the MiniDisc player. The poor, completely irrelevant MD player, which introduced kids to digital music with such good intentions but failed to produce a convenient package. I found three old MD mixes of mine–out of three–and started to really think about things. If the MiniDisc had taken off, would there still be Apple factory compounds in China, and would I still be iTouching about it? Probably not.

At least there have been more Clueless quotes floating around. It’s no longer a faux pas to announce one’s cruising of the crimson wave. 

 
 Maybe I’m a contemptible hypocrite who just misses the stark Joy Division style guide. Maybe there are hints of workable Clinton health plans resurging in the noggins under those bright pink Duron hats. But before the city of St. Louis receives free healthcare, I’m not buying this 90’s thing. Because, for no other reason, neon blinds, hemp smells, and slap bracelets kill.

Ever since John McCain announced Alaska governor Sarah Palin as his running mate on Friday, I’ve been going crazy trying to find as much information about her as possible.  The public has very little knowledge of her, and if things stay that way, it could actually be a boon to the Repubs.  Right now she appears to be a cute, down-to-earth “hockey mom” who knows her way around an ice-fishing hole.

In actuality she is probably the WORST person McCain could have chosen for his running mate, and that’s including Mike Huckabee.  Here are some reasons why.

• She sued the Bush administration for putting polar bears on the endangered species list, claiming that it will slow development in Alaska.  That means that she is less eco-friendly than GEORGE W. BUSH.  I didn’t think that was possible.  And Michelle Malkin, an Asian-American woman who wrote a book DEFENDING WW2 JAPANESE INTERNMENT, loves her.
• That whole, uh, ethics violation investigation she’s got going on up there.  Basically, her sister is in a really bad divorce/custody fight with a state trooper.  Palin’s aides, husband and Palin herself made multiple attempts at pressuring his boss, the public safety commissioner, to fire him.  The commissioner resisted and was himself subsequently fired, it seems because he refused to fire the state trooper.  Palin first tried to lie about it, saying that none of this happened, but then recorded evidence was provided that proves her aides, at the very least, were doing this.  So now she’s just lying about her own involvement.
• She is against legal abortions even in the case of rape or incest, which is terrifying at a time when pretty much half of the Supreme Court is about to drop over dead.
• She thinks creationism should be taught in public schools.  That’s enough for another post altogether.
• She’s also got some sketchy ties to Christian Dominionists, and might actually be one herself, although I’m willing to withhold judgment on that for now.  In case you’re wondering, those are pentecostals who believe we should overthrow the Constitution and write a new one based on the Bible.  Yep.
• She named two of her kids “Track” and “Trig.”  See?  Poor judgment.  
• Her own mother-in-law probably won’t vote for her.  Faye Palin: “I’m not sure what she brings to the ticket other than she’s a woman and a conservative.”  Thanks, Mom!
• Oh, and the fact that she has neither national nor international experience; she said that her eldest son shipping off to Iraq was what “really opened [her] eyes to international events and how war impacts everyday Americans” (really?  THAT’S what it took for you open your eyes to international events?); and she’s only been governor of Alaska for less than TWO YEARS.

(Gen Y’s: Don’t Fear Us!!)

This is no surprise. I am a Gen Y and as such, I love to be appreciated. What is a Gen Y exactly? Well, there seems to be a lot of debate around that, but let me just quote Wikipedia and move on. (After all, that’s what Gen Y’s do.)

Generation Y is the generation following Generation X, especially people born in western culture from 1980 (Millenials) to the early 1990s. The generation is also alternatively defined as the children of the Baby Boomer generation.

Anywho… why should we be appreciated? Well, marketers realize we are a growing force and hey, if they want to stay in the game, they’re gonna have to win us over. We are the hip, money spending, and the young generation right now. (The Gen Z(OMG) will eventually threaten us, right now they are too young and annoying.) We know how to communicate, we know how to use the Internet (ahem John McCain) and we are just so cool.

So while marketers hate to love us, they are just gonna have to deal. We were born and raised into the information overload. We grew up with the changing media field. Whether or not we realize it or not, we know a lot that marketers and news sources don’t. Like, how to use the Internet to communicate and gather stories we care about (which is another reasons why BODB is so popular among Gen Ys.)

Steve Rubel, writer of Micropersuasion, discussed a few growing trends in his latest blog post. First one being the “Attention Crash”.  Bring it on. My 160GB iPod is practically full, can I sing all those songs? No. But, I can’t delete them either. How about my RSS reader? It has close to 50 subscriptions; do I care or read all of them all the time? No. As a Gen Y, I have a keen sense of what’s important and what’s worth sharing.

Another trend is social media. Ah, yes, the proof of my existence. Fellow BODB writer, Alli, brings her camera everywhere, takes pictures not so much of things, but of people, so she can ultimately tag them on Facebook. Proof that “people were there and people were having fun and doing these things”. I love her for it, because due to Facebook tagging, I too have photographic proof that I was there and I was having fun. (See, I’m Sara, and I have fun! Just look at Facebook.) It’s an image thing. And Gen Y’s, whether they know it or not, are creating their own brands through these networking sites. (And yes, my Facebook page is the bomb-diggity.)

And then, Google. The trend, the machine, the reputation. Although Google stinks for one reason, BODB does not automatically appear on top of every search result, I still rely on it to tell me everything.

School assignments answers, work-related questions, life affirmations , rainy day ideas, math equations…  they all come from Google. So as a Gen Y, I know and understand the importance of Google, and if I didn’t I would quickly learn the importance of Google. So do me a favor and increase BOBD’s Google’s Reputation by clicking here and clicking on Buy Or Don’t Buy. Push us to the top!

Anyways, we rock. Gen Y’s rock. We know what’s up. And we will rule the world, so appreciate us now, and we’ll take you into consideration when we’re at the top. (And Gen Z(OMG), as long as you love the Jonas Brothers, you are no threat to me.)

Hop on your hoverboards, the future is here! Thank you Best Buy, for saving me from a lifetime of 20th century technology. And at such great prices, too. How did I hear about the sale? Oh, your nifty little ‘hologram’ in the hallway lured me in.

Best Buy, WTF. First of all, this thing isn’t even a hologram. It’s a piece of Plexiglas with some fancytime coating on it. Second of all, it’s probably the gayest fake hologram I’ve ever seen. Try to move your elbows hologuy. Oh wait, you can’t. You’re not cut out for it. Literally.

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I understand that times are tough. People don’t have the kind of expendable income to spend on useless gadgets and non-pirated media. But I don’t really need to hear your sales pitch from the hallway, as I’m waking past your store. But by all means, give me a call when you figure out how to produce a REAL hologram. I might write another post about it.

HEADLINE McCain to Obama: Search This!

The power of AdWords isn’t lost on the GOP. Amazing to think that a party who have selected a dinosaur as their Presidential Candidate have managed to latch on to a relatively successful way to reach potential undecideds. Search terms “Joe Biden,” “Biden and Obama,” “Housing Crisis,” and “U.S. Economy” have been purchased by the McCain camp in an attempt to inject their version of information into the query results of curious Americans.

The Wall Street Journal reports that many marketing professionals (including me) see this as a missed opportunity for the Obama campaign, who currently have no AdWords leading the conversation.

Many potential voters who identify as undecided demographically skew towards the Obama audience, and are definitely of the age to be considered internet savvy. It seems this AdWords push is directly targeted at trying to sway them to the McCain side. Because many of the undecideds who may already sway toward McCain are too busy doing the word jumble in the back of The USA Today to turn on The Internets. I reckon.

I’d still kill to see the click stats on this campaign.

P.S Killer graphics courtesy Matt Lettini