Buy Or Don’t Buy

So nerd culture is on the rise. Look at half of the posts on BODB - they are pretty frickin’ nerdy. And that’s not an insult, because this is the coolest website the web has ever seen! Anyways, nerdom and geekery tend to be focused on their main audience, men (or are they boys?) But what about the women (or are they girls)?

Well, fear not ladies. While your men are drinking brews with their buds while playing video games, or standing in endlessly long lines for an iPhone, you can soon match their efforts. The movies that taught us what high school should have been like through the decades are becoming video games. Paramount Studios is making video games for Pretty In Pink, Clueless and Mean Girls. That’s right! That means there is a video game for every decade.

I know lame video games come out every day, so that’s not my problem with this batch of girlicious games. My problem is related to the sexist plotlines and, more importantly, the fact that they’re ruining these iconic movies. With the exception of Pretty In Pink, these movies made me. I wanted to be Cher; I related to the Mean Girls. Through humor and some drama, they were pristine. (Except for the slightly incestuous relationship between Cher and Josh and the annoyingly preachy “after school special” ending message.)

The premises for each of the video games were released in a press release from Paramount. Clueless, my fav and the most classic of the three will be called “Clueless: The Game” and will focus around the main character, Cher.

Players will need to figure out what kind of guy their friends want by noticing what clothes these potential suitors wear and what sort of interests they have. Once Cher knows what they want, she will have to pick out the right elements of the perfect man for them. Players will have to be quick! Love waits for no one!

Ugh. You don’t even get to have a virtual closet. You don’t even get to pick out characters. Like, um, hello, what if I wanted to be Dion?? “Mean Girls: High School Showdown” sounds worse. Paramount says this:

[The game] allows players to take on the role of a new student trying to restore balance to the many cliques… and to end the reign of the terrible “Plastic clique”.

Did the video game creator even see the movie? The Plastics aren’t even that bad. And everyone wants to be one. And if you are a new student, isn’t it your job to get into the “Plastics,” not destroy them? As a new student, why is it your responsiblity to fix this school’s bitch problem? It doesn’t seem even close to being as “fetch” as it should be. And Pretty In Pink’s video game is basically a bunch of puzzles, which to me is hardly worth delving into.

The games will be released for PCs and eventually for Nintendo DS. They are also considered “casual” games, which basically means they are shockwave games (pretty much easy, short mind numbing online games).

So if that’s what they consider covering the girl gaming market, they are sorely mistaken. They missed out on the true girl nerds, the ones that already play MarioKart and own their own Wii. They also missed out on this one, who will only buy a girlie video game if it is about Gossip Girl (which may be in the works).

In the game Gossip Girl, spend a semester fraternizing with the glamorous socialites of Manhattan’s Upper East Side at an elite private school. Explore the hippest social hot spots of New York City and attend the most fashionable parties. Shop in the trendiest boutiques of the fashion district and customize your character’s appearance. Gain entry into exclusive social cliques where you’ll make or break relationships with popular girls and date the most desirable boys while you build up your social status. Read the Gossip Girl Blog and see how the choices you make become part of the complex world of shifting friendships, jealousies and scandals.

Just the description alone makes me want to buy! Expect a Buy post once the rumor is confirmed. Scandalous!