Buy Or Don’t Buy

Apparently this surfaced back in March and I’m just now reading it: KFC is now serving grilled chicken?

Louisville-based KFC, a subsidiary of Yum Brands Inc., hopes grilled chicken will lure back health-conscious consumers who dropped fried chicken from their diets, or cut back on indulging.

When are fast-food chains going to realize that they have NO chance of capitalizing on a “healthy” image?  How many people are going to think, “What I need right now is a delicious, nutritious slice of grilled chicken…time to hit up KFC!”

It’s the same deal with places like McDonald’s.  When someone eats at McDonald’s, it means they don’t give a crap about health.  The kind of person who cares about their arteries is not the type of person who frequents McDonald’s in the first place, and serving salads made of wilted lettuce and 500-calorie packs of dressing isn’t going to draw that customer in.

KFC, play to your strengths.  Your grilled chicken probably still has 400 times as much sodium and fat as grilled chicken from Whole Foods or grilled chicken cooked at home, so why bother?  Fried chicken tastes really, really, really good.  Trust me.  You will still do business.  (Alternatively: Offer free wifi in the U.S. like you do in your European chains!)

As of now, I have yet to come across one of these “Kentucky Grilled Chicken” abominations.  But when I do, you can be sure I’ll be heading over to Popeye’s for my heart attack on a plate.

UPDATE: It’s worse than I thought.

In a huge victory for PETA, KFC Canada has agreed to offer vegan “unchicken” as a menu item at its Canadian chains. So far, 461 Canadian KFC stores have agreed to offer the vegan chicken on their menus.

Reasons why this is ridiculous:
1. It is a scientific fact that all vegan food tastes like crap.
2. Rumor has it they’re cooking the “unchicken” in the same fryer as the chicken, thereby rendering the point moot.
3. Everything else I already said above.