Buy Or Don’t Buy

Sparks, for those who unfortunately are not familiar with the brightly colored canned beverage, is a mix of caffeine and alcohol produced by MillerCoors. And its been the alternative to PBR for hipster drink.

This post was gonna be a “buy” about MillerCoor’s plans to create and produce a newer version of Sparks dubbed Sparks RED. This one would have been a higher alcohol version of Sparks and really, any fan wouldn’t not buy that!

There’s something special about Sparks. It has the power to bring both critics and fans together over their agree-to-disagree on whether or not to enjoy the shared description of “high acidity, sweetness, and blatantly artificial flavor.”

But sadly, MillerCoors is being “asked” by “25 attorneys” not to introduce the ultimately better version. What? No new Sparks? Who’s to blame? Well those 25 attorneys, an activist group called the Center for Science in the Public Interest (CSPI), and New York State Attorney General Andrew Cuomo.

They are willing to sue (actually already have). They are claiming that Sparks poses health risks, uses unapproved additives, and targets teens. Oh please. Oh course it’s unhealthy, but its healthier than Redbull and Vodka which is strangely popular (Beware: People like this drink it). Not to mention, umm, your anagram is unapproved, CSPI. And just because it’s taste is so good, it’s unfair to say that the additives are wrong. Cuomo has this to say:

“Drinking is not a sport, and my office will not stand idly by as MillerCoors ramps up its efforts to market these potentially harmful products to young consumers.”

Yes, potentially dangerous, as dangerous as any other drink. Except this one is more delicious, it makes your tongue change colors, and can get your drunk. It’s like a liquid liquored fruit roll-up! Or, it’s the ironically elitist version of Redbull and Vodka. You decide!

While MillerCoors realizes drinking is not a sport (because they do not attend college), they do seem to realize that legal action is. As a response to Cuomo and the other prudes (who could use a Sparks), a Miller spokesperson invited Cuomo and his office to have a dialogue with them. How coy! Until then, Sparks Red’s release date remains to be October 1st (Which could also be the same date of BODB’s launch party!*).

Until then may every hipster, hipster wannabe, and 21+ responsible adult start their long nights with a refreshing sparks. I swear it makes you sexier, happier, and ultimately cooler.

Evidence:

Images from: emahiser, thefuturistics’ flickr
(*BODB has not set or even discussed a release party date or confirmed there is a release party.)