Buy Or Don’t Buy

On Saturday night (or Sunday morning, as it was 1:50 a.m.), after the Phillies had won Game 3 of the World Series, I turned to my friend Colleen and wondered “Who’s pitching Game 4?” We both drew a blank. After an uncomfortable amount of time, she finally remembered. “Blanton.” My response: “Who the hell is Blanton?”

Part of that is his name. Because of course, there’s no way that any pitcher called Joe Blanton could possibly be good. ‘Joe Blanton’ is the name of a serviceable left guard in the NFL, or a Milwaukee outfielder, not an ace. Compare that to the Phillies’ best pitcher, Cole Hamels, who befitting his badass name is from California, looks like Tom Brady and is married to a girl who was in Playboy. This is Hamels:

And this is Blanton:

So hopes were not high.

But fast forward to Sunday night. Not only did Blanton pitch 6 innings with a 3.0 ERA FTW, but he also hit a home run, the first pitcher to do so in the World Series since 1974. This is the Joe Blanton that apparently has 2 hits in his entire 5 year-career. Woah! He was so good they accused him of cheating. Even the Phillies fans couldn’t believe it:

So congratulations, Joe Blanton. Despite the fact that you are a pasty Kentuckian, you have decided to become very good at sports at the most important moment. You and Matt Stairs, a tubby Canadian, prove that almost anyone can be a baseball player.

And yes, I just mentioned Matt Stairs so I could include this clip again.

[Hattip: My sister, for suggesting this post but being too lazy to write it.]

[UPDATE: As I write this, the Phillies are up 2-1. Come on Cole!]