Buy Or Don’t Buy

Every year, as the leaves on the trees start to turn a pleasant shade of orange, and the humidity of summer gives way to the crisp, fragile air of Autumn, ‘relevant’ and ‘connected’ youngsters everywhere begin to contemplate their Halloween costumes.

The goal for coming up with THE BEST Halloween costume of all times is simple:  The costume must demonstrate that the wearer has considered both popular and historic cultures, and weighed the possible cast of characters against his or her own in order to judge the best (or in some cases the least likely) fit in an attempt to gain the best reaction from his or her set peer group, as well as casual observers.

The worst case scenario for a failed Halloween costume is one of two reactions.  Either someone else at the party/bar/neighborhood block party has the same costume, or you have to explain your getup to everyone you meet due to the obscurity and/or craftsmanship ineptitude of your particular choice.

Due to all the social preassure involved with picking THE BEST Halloween costume of all times, I have personally opted out of the holiday for the past few years.  I have, however, managed to come up with THE BEST Halloween costume of all times in my head, so that when someone asks me what I plan to be, I can wow them with my creativity.  When it comes time to actually dress the part, I either feign illness, or pretend I forgot what day it was.  I mean, who has money to like buy wigs and put paint on their face or whatever.  Fake blood, ew!

For some people, dressing up is the best part.  They get to pretend to be someone else for the day.  I dunno, I kind of like being myself.  So usually every costume I select is a projection of my own ego on to a pre existing character.

Like last year, when I told everyone I was going as Colonial Williamsburg (no ‘h’).  This entailed basically pulling my shaggy hipster hair back into a Colonial ponytail, and donning a tri-corn hat.  I like tri-corn hats.

This year my BEST Halloween costume of all times is Karl Lagerfeld.  He’s a living icon.  Also, I saw him IRL one day when I used to work in the Flatiron district.  He was doing a photoshoot for Fendi and you could see his silver hair for blocks!  But then I realized that I would have to buy a silver wig, and that I don’t actually own a pair of black sunglasses, and that I’d have to cut the fingers off a pair of leather gloves.  WHAT A WASTE!  So I’m probably opting out of Halloween again this year.  Oh well.  It’s not like I eat candy, anyway.

(Also, Karl has his own bear)