Buy Or Don’t Buy

I thought this was the best thing Kanye West would write all year:

ALL I CARE ABOUT ARE THE FANS.  JUST SAY THIS OUT LOUD IN  A ROOM FULL OF PEOPLE, “KANYE DOESN’T CARE ABOUT GIVING A GOOD PERFORMANCE.”  CAN ANYONE HONESTLY SAY THAT ?????????      HAS ANYONE EVEN TAKEN THE TIME TO AT LEAST  DO THE MATH???  BONNAROO SHOULD HAVE RELEASED A STATEMENT IN MY DEFENSE BUT SINCE THEY HAVEN’T LET’S BREAK DOWN THE WALLS ON THIS TRUMAN SHOW AND LET YOU KNOW WHAT REALLY OCCURRED!!!   FOR OVER A MONTH WE WENT BACK AND FORTH ON WETHER OR NOT WE COULD EVEN FIT MY STAGE AT THE FESTIVAL. ONE DAY THEY WOULD SAY YES… WE’D SEND THEM OUR SPECS THEN THEY THEY’D SAY OK… THEN THEY WOULD SEND SPECS BACK THAT DIDN’T FIT THE STAGE. WE WERE OBVIOUSLY DEALING WITH FUCKING IDIOTS WHO DIDN’T REALLY HAVE THE CAPACITY TO REALLY PUT ON THIS SHOW PROPERLY.  THEY TRIED 2 GIVE ME A TIME SLOT WERE IT WAS STILL LIGHT OUTSIDE … I HAVE A FUCKING LIGHT SHOW DUMB ASS, IT’S NOT CALLED GLOW IN THE DARK FOR NO REASON SQUID BRAINS!

But I was wrong. Amid the constant soul-destroying despair that bleeds out of his new album “808s & Heartbreak” is the song “RoboCop,” and it is every bit as glorious as a song called “RoboCop” should be.

How is having a girlfriend who’s a RoboCop worse than having a girlfriend who’s a human cop? Only Kanye West’s brain knows. Other things only Kanye West’s brain knows:

• If you’re doing a song about robots, you need to put in robot sounds, but you should only put them in them in the bridge.
• The less words in the chorus of a song, the better. “OK OK / OK OK” is near perfect.
• The Stephen King novel Misery should be referenced at least twice in a song released in 2008.
• There is no greater insult than “You are a female who resides in Los Angeles County.”
• It’s hard to tell when a girl is kidding, but it’s easy to tell whether or not it was a good one.
• It is not at all incongruous for rap songs, especially ones about robocops, to sample the soundtrack to Alfonso Cuaron’s 1998 modern version of “Great Expectations.

It’s a hood classic.