Buy Or Don’t Buy

As a loyal fan of Bravo’s Top Chef, I’m equal parts psyched for next week’s finale and bummed that it’s already at an end. The final three chefs are Carla, an awesomely emu-like Washingtonian who makes all her food with love; Stefan, a Finnish badass who can skin an eel like he’s peeling a banana; and Hosea, who sucks.

I did have a small soft spot for Hosea at first. He seemed like a decent guy and a good chef, and I’ll be damned if Bravo’s little mention of his cancer-stricken dad didn’t get to me.

But then the number of chefs dwindled, and Hosea started to get more screentime. Partly because he and Leah, another chef who sucked, started “growing closer” and made out one time. (This is Top Chef, not Real World, okay? Hook-ups are rare!) So they make out, even though both of them are in relationships. And neither of them really seem too concerned about it. Hosea’s basically like, “Gee, hope my girlfriend isn’t too mad at me!”

So there’s Reason #1 Hosea sucks: He cheated on his girlfriend on national television with Bravo’s first zombie chef.

Meanwhile, Hosea not only revealed himself to be adulterous but really, really annoying. All he EVER DOES is complain about Stefan. EVER. He complains about Stefan being a jerk. He complains about Stefan winning every challenge. He complains about Stefan being from Europe. He probably complained about how “Stefan” is the improper spelling of “Stephen,” but Bravo had the good graces to edit it out.

You know what, Hosea? Maybe you should save up all that energy you expend complaining about Stefan and use it to WIN A DAMN CHALLENGE. Because regardless of whether Stefan is an egotistical jerk, he’s won a challenge in practically every single episode. Hosea can’t handle the fact that not only is Stefan clearly the superior chef, but Stefan knows it, and Stefan shows it.

Overall, there’s a 66% chance that I’ll be happy next Wednesday night at 11. Stefan is definitely the best chef in the top three, but he’s been on a downward slide the past few weeks and Carla would also be a very deserving winner. (Plus, can you IMAGINE her reaction if she wins!?) Please, Tom/Padma/Gail…Anyone. But. Hosea.