Buy Or Don’t Buy

One of my favorite things about April 1, (besides the fact that it is my wonderful mother’s birthday,) is that you can’t trust any news you read. In the past, news organizations have convinced their readers that the Swiss were having a fertile spaghetti harvest, that the island of San Serriffe would be a great place to visit, and that a pitching prospect named Sidd Finch existed, who could throw a 168 mph fastball.

In the spirit of fun, some of the stories from April 1st, 2009 that were too good to be true:

The Guardian abandons print for Twitter

A mammoth project is also under way to rewrite the whole of the newspaper’s archive, stretching back to 1821, in the form of tweets. Major stories already completed include “1832 Reform Act gives voting rights to one in five adult males yay!!!”; “OMG Hitler invades Poland, allies declare war see tinyurl.com/b5×6e for more”; and “JFK assassin8d @ Dallas, def. heard second gunshot from grassy knoll WTF?”

National Geographic announces a new compilation

“Finally, a compendium of all of our stellar breast photography has been culled from our 126-year history. It’s a celebration of the female body in its most honest form.”

The Tribune Company introduces the first quantum computer

With Hai World™, instant gratification is measured in negative time. Taking full advantage of our revolutionary Quantum Content Engine and Vapor Computing Core, Hai World™ connects you - and by you we mean every possible you in every possible past, present and future - to every person you’ve ever met or will want to meet, no matter what time stream you or they are experiencing.

It can be even more fun if some people don’t get the joke. In the name of shameless self-promotion, look at the comments for this hilarious article I wrote today:

Obama to speak at NYU commencement

“Looking back, I think we all sort of thought 2009 would be Hillary’s year,” Tisch junior W. M. Akers said. “She worked her way up from First Lady to Senator to Secretary of State — speaking at commencement just seemed the next logical step.”

Finally, if you want to be a spoilsport, read Gawker’s take on the whole trend and then go kick some kittens:

Today We Won’t Post a Rant On How Lame April Fools’ Day Is

The problem is everyone, especially on the Internet, is so clever now, and hip to the joke—that is the primary tone of 90% of all communication these days, “in on the joke”—so all the fun has just been leeched out of the pranks. You know no one at all will buy it, and everyone, at the same time, is expecting it, so it’s actually just this depressing obligation to make a joke that you know no one will actually enjoy.

Why make silly jokes when you can make fun of stupid people who actually enjoy things?