Buy Or Don’t Buy

I get it. You’re a sweet and caring dude who loves giving presents to his girlfriend. Nothing wrong with that. But do you have to be so weird about it?

“I’m right here….and I always will be.” Good effort, I guess. Shows that you’re loyal and that you can come up with some quick quips. But maybe wait for her to say “Yes” before you start spitting out the ‘I will never leave your side for all eternity’ game with your intense eyes. And if you’re going to go that route, don’t do it while coming up behind her in an abandoned cabin. That place only screams ‘DANGER!’ Clear, well-lit places can be romantic too!

And you, you started off with such promise. A tour of you guys’ favorite places. Nice. You’re nostalgic — hey, I am too! But then you get down on bended knee and everything goes to shit. I thought the guy up top had creepy intense eyes, but he has nothing on you. It’s as if proposing to someone automatically flips a switch inside your body that turns you into a Super-Serious Eye-Contact Bot 3000. (And, also: “You will”…? What is it about being in a jewelers’ commercial that makes guys spout outrageous faux-romantic one-liners?)

But this guy, this guy I like. No douchey-ass cornbag zingers; this guy doesn’t say anything, possibly because he doesn’t speak English. Instead he does some badass roof climbing and string threading and rock throwing, because nothing says love like complicated Rube Goldberg-ian schemes. Sure, he has to creep up on his girlfriend when she’s asleep to tie things to her, but that’s not the worst thing in the world.

I’ve never proposed to anyone seriously, so i don’t know if these examples are true to life. What I do know is even when you’re trying to personify everyon’e idealized version of romance, you still need to cool it with the eye contact.